Opposites Don’t Attract
Beautiful Crystal Lies Chapter 2: Filthy Beauty
Fat is to fat, as lovely is to lovely, as rich is to rich, as empathetic is to empathetic, as ugly is to ugly. No matter the relationship, from friend to lover, we seek commonality. Commonality is not simply sharing many similar interests. Commonality between people is sharing like-minded views, which include physical attraction, how to conduct finances, politics, ethics, and values. Similarity cannot be emphasized enough. The more differences people hold, the less likely a successful relationship. For example, having opposite political views causes divisiveness since each person approaches and understands society from different perspectives. While all differences are important, some are monolithic, necessitating identification from the start so as not to waste time.
Money/Finances/Class
Poor people do not view money in the same manner as rich people. Your socioeconomic bracket exerts tremendous influence on relationships. Most people voice the belief “money shouldn’t matter” in relationships. This bit of common wisdom wastes much time with bad relationships. How much money you have, your career, how you think about finances, and how you spend money are just some considerations to avoid this issue.
It would seem obvious if you are a frivolous spender, then marrying a tightwad would be a poor choice; however, since little to no consideration goes to this element, these relationships occur often. The honest frivolous spender needs to realize the urgency of dating someone who either doesn’t care about money or possesses enough to spend carelessly. Money is a powerful force in relationships for being a class function impacting social mobility and opportunities. Money represents stability and safety. Most people readily understand these facts and agree, but in the context of relationships, this reality succumbs to common wisdom.
I once lived in a low-income area, and dating nearly ceased. In my deluded thoughts, money and class had no bearing on relationships, resulting in almost a year and a half of struggling to date. When I moved to a more affluent area, my dating slump ended just as quickly as it began. With the connection of money made with relationships, looking back at those working-class women elucidated our inability to communicate.
While I was quite satisfied with their status, they felt out of place in their lack of money management and comprehension of dollar values, which I understood completely.
The real rub comes in realizing the awareness of differences does not solve them. Try as you might in that noble effort to see beyond the dollars, the underprivileged will not see you in the truth, but neither will you see them if you lose yourself in the common wisdom that says money holds no importance. You must know where you come from to know where you fit best, for this is honest.
Religion
Most people fail to understand the importance of religion in this manner. We live in a religiously biased society where Christianity dominates the culture. The problem presents many issues, such as abortion or gay rights, and relationships are no exception. Faith v. lack of faith or interpretations of faith cause many issues but even more troubling is the lack of religious understanding people exhibit. Plainly speaking, most people have no idea what they believe and mouth the words of God the same as they mouth the common wisdom of relationships. For instance, many people identify as Christian yet don’t practice and hardly ever attend church. Many people indulge in hypocrisy this way, believing they need religious association — and they are correct.
Religion invariably arises early in dating or even before when plastered all over online profiles. Because people value faith enough to codify it as a freedom and human right, the role becomes tied with life making it vital to relationship success. The best way to consider religion is on a continuum from fundamentalist to atheist, and though seeming obvious that an Atheist should not date a fundamentalist Christian, this reality often occurs.
People hold bizarre forms of religious values.
Spotting the fundamentalist or atheist presents no challenge but identifying the unknown religious quantity (URQ) challenges discernment. The URQ individual holds religious convictions but is unaware of their contradictory beliefs or shallowness of convictions, much the same way a person blindly follows the adage wisdom of relationships.
They may say things like, “God is love” or “Just let go and let God work his magic in your life,” but at the same time dominate as lovers, desiring you to do all the things they want and constantly bend to their will. The URQ voices religiously based ideas, such as in a means of argument saying nonsense like, “It’s in the Bible.” They may not go to church or practice their religion in any real or meaningful way but brim with convictions like desiring to get married while fucking you on the first date. URQs will claim gays are an abomination, yet, when drunk, admit they had same-sex relations. They can justify everything in a malleable religion that allows them to say, “I’m a Christian, so I don’t believe in abortion, but if you want one — go ahead.”
You have met this person, and you may even be this person.
Most people are URQs because everyone is so significantly influenced by religion that they cannot see indoctrination. Unless we consciously consider religion and critically analyze beliefs, we will not overcome this common wisdom that destroys relationships by pairing us with those whose values run counter to ours.
Most URQs are not bad people or intentionally trying to be hypocritical. Brainwashed with arbitrary religious ideas gives them answers for not knowing better. In many ways, they are victims. They are prone to the lies that tell them they are good because they have claimed themselves as Christian. Worse yet, URQs believe others are bad for declaring themselves "not Christian," but even more dangerously, URQs believe others are good for claiming to be Christian.
We must critically examine religion to identify those who share similar beliefs to avoid the lies keeping us from a successful relationship.
Values
Money and religion are not the sole focus because these elements integrally fuse with values, meaning if you are middle class, you perceive and understand the world, money, and your place within it per this class. Don’t assume a narrow focus on class and money requiring you to date within your socioeconomic bracket. No, the key is the values. If you are working class and believe, like most, one should be obedient and respectful of authority, then dating an affluent person who values autonomy and non-conformity lacks wisdom.
Values dictate right and wrong. No matter how conflicted your values are, they are your truth concerning ethics and morality. Most values instilled through upbringing combine with experience, religion, and other social factors, making them critical to relationships.
The girl who constantly falls for the bad boy is an example of misplaced or misunderstood values. If a ‘good’ person with wholesome values, why does she always date those committing wrongdoing or hurting her or other people? Either she is tricked, believing this person is good, or she is not as good as she believes herself to be, often the latter.
Have you witnessed a friend date a jerk or bitch? Have you wondered why this friend is with this jerk? What do they see in them? They are dating because your friend is either fooled or is a jerk or bitch. They are likely unaware they share the same values attracting them to one another. People constantly misunderstand or ignore their values to maintain a positive self-concept. No one likes to admit selfishness, viciousness, or other negative attributes since society deems this wrong.