The Cultural Importance of Guns in Christianity
The Importance of Protecting the Right To Keep & Bear Arms
Guns are an integral part of the Christian cultural experience as a necessary tradition that elevates young Christians to manhood. This long-practiced tradition roots deep in hunting, defending the US against foreign aggressors, and providing citizens the power to overthrow leaders when the government oppresses the people. While these traditions are important, guns serve an even more vital purpose that is often overlooked in the US for the obvious social stigma reason. Today, we explore the necessity for guns and what needs to be done to end the prejudice that keeps Christian men locked in an emotional prison.
The Small Christian Penis
The Christian penis clearly lacks the size of the non-Christian penis, which is caused not by the Christian or his lack of prayer. As a result of the smaller penis, Christian men suffer endless persecution. No other group in America experiences sexual organ prejudice that Christian men endure!
Christian scientists determined the tiny Christian penis is a normal variation of the sexual organ. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT NORMAL! Unlike non-Christians, Christian men suffer shame and vicious ridicule about their manhood when they should be taught pride in their natural smallness.
Sadly, most Christian men never learn the honor of the small penis due to prejudice and hate. They learn to hate themselves in relentless self-incrimination inflicted on them by society unless provided the love of Jesus and a gun.
Over time, Christian culture grew around the use of guns to bolster men’s egos to ensure healthy, loving relationships, and today, the gun is as much a part of the Christian family as an out of wedlock, pregnant teen. When a Christian father feels the time is right, he will sit his son down and give him “the talk” because Christians, unlike atheist heathens, never lie to their children and make their young men aware of their penis plight.
On that emotional, pride-filled day of father-son bonding, the boy will receive his first gun and become a Christian man in a time-honored lesson in gun safety and use because Christians value all lives.
Young Christian men become the strong alpha male prospects that Christian women seek for making families — all because of the gun!
The Gun Violence Myth
Non-Christians have long conspired against the Christian to take his guns to make him less of a man. They have used this strategy because they don’t want you to know the truth. They cry about gun violence and the need for tougher gun control laws, but the problem isn’t guns or the small penis of the Christian, but in fact, the oversized vagina of the non-Christian woman.
The truth revealed!
Penis size doesn’t matter at all because Christian women have the perfect, God-given vaginas that constrict perfectly to the penis during intercourse. In contrast, lying, socialist, communist, non-Christian, and atheist vaginas are too large. The left doesn’t want you to know this fact, so they claim gun violence and use mass shootings to hide the sad truth God made Christians better!
God also made Christian men better because small penises provide many advantages over the larger non-Christian penis, like developing more intimate relationships and lowering divorce rates.
When the penis is tiny, couples work harder to make the relationship last!
Christian boys and men should not be ashamed but instead proud of their superior Christian penises. It’s time to stop hiding in churches and feeling afraid to speak out against hate aimed at the gifts God gave us. Get your guns, Christians, and prepare to descend on Washington to claim our rights to live free of persecution!
