The Illusion of Trumpian Power
THE MISUNDERSTANDINGS THAT WARP OUR SENSE OF POWER
for the Trueman & Triola Newsletter
Power in human relationships is one of those subjects everyone thinks they understand because everyone has lived inside it. Yet the most persistent misunderstandings—psychological and historical—are precisely the ones that make our relationships harder, our politics more brittle, and our inner lives more confused. What follows is a synthesis meant for readers who want to see power not as a melodrama of dominance and submission, but as a subtle, shape‑shifting force that lives inside attention, imagination, and fear. Trump’s presidency, seen in terms of real power, is more pathetic than it is genuine.
What Trump offers is not power, and anyone with the slightest degree of psychological mindlessness sees this for what it is: dangerous and crazy, but imagined by himself and his followers.
1. The belief that power is primarily about control rather than dependency
The oldest misunderstanding is also the most intuitive: that power is something one has and uses to control others. Historically, this is how kings, generals, and patriarchs narrated their own authority. But psychologically, power is almost always rooted in dependency, not autonomy.
The parent’s power comes from the child’s need.
The lover’s power comes from the beloved’s longing.
The tyrant’s power comes from the population’s fear of chaos.
We imagine power as a top‑down force, but in lived experience it is a loop: the powerful depend on the very people they dominate for recognition, stability, and identity. This is why power is so anxious, so easily threatened, so obsessed with loyalty. Control is the surface phenomenon; dependency is the engine.
2. The fantasy that power is stable, when in fact it is constantly renegotiated
Historically, we talk about “reigns,” “eras,” “administrations,” as if power were a fixed state. But in relationships—romantic, familial, civic—power is fluid, shifting with mood, circumstance, vulnerability, illness, aging, desire.
People suffer because they expect power to be a position rather than a process.
They think: I used to be strong; now I’m weak.
But the truth is: You were always both.
Power is not a throne; it’s a tide.
3. The assumption that the powerful feel powerful
This is one of the great psychological blind spots. We assume the person with structural or emotional leverage experiences themselves as secure. But historically and psychologically, the powerful are often the most frightened people in the room.
Kings feared assassination.
Husbands feared abandonment.
Employers feared irrelevance.
Parents feared losing their children’s love.
The powerful often behave badly not because they feel invincible, but because they feel perilously exposed. The cruelty of power is frequently a defense against the terror of losing it.
4. The confusion between power and virtue
Across cultures, people have long mistaken power for moral authority. The Greeks called it arete, the divine right of kings made it sacred, modern celebrity culture makes it aspirational. We still assume that those who rise must possess some inner excellence.
But psychologically, power is often granted for reasons that have nothing to do with virtue: charisma, timing, beauty, luck, fear, inheritance, or the simple fact of being needed at the right moment.
The misunderstanding is not just naïve—it is dangerous.
It allows the powerful to narrate their dominance as destiny, and the powerless to internalize their position as failure.
5. The belief that power is visible
We tend to look for power in the obvious places: titles, money, physical strength, social status. But the most consequential forms of power are often invisible:
The power to define the narrative.
The power to withdraw affection.
The power to set the emotional temperature of a room.
The power to be believed.
The power to be forgiven.
Historically, these forms of power have shaped marriages, revolutions, religions, and nations far more than armies or laws. They operate in the realm of interiority—where attention goes, where fear lives, where desire attaches.
6. The myth that power corrupts in a simple, linear way
“Power corrupts” is a comforting story because it implies that corruption is something that happens after one acquires power. But psychologically, power tends to amplify what is already there.
The generous become more generous.
The fearful become more controlling.
The narcissistic become more grandiose.
The wounded become more defensive.
History is full of people who became monstrous not because power changed them, but because power removed the constraints that once kept their inner life hidden.
7. The idea that power is something one person “has” rather than something two people create
This is the most relational misunderstanding. Power is not a possession; it is a relationship dynamic. It emerges from the interplay of two interior worlds—each with its own fears, fantasies, histories, and needs.
A person can only dominate someone who is willing (consciously or unconsciously) to be dominated.
A person can only manipulate someone who needs something from them.
A person can only inspire devotion in someone who longs to give it.
Power is co‑authored, even when it feels one‑sided.
8. The refusal to see that power is always emotional before it is structural
We talk about power in terms of laws, institutions, hierarchies. But in daily life, power is emotional first:
Who can hurt you.
Who you cannot bear to disappoint.
Who you fantasize about.
Who you fear losing.
Who you cannot stop thinking about.
History is shaped by these emotional forces as much as by armies or economies. The private interior life of individuals has always been the hidden architecture of public power.
Closing Reflection
The deepest misunderstanding is this:
We think power is something outside us, when in fact it is something we participate in, generate, and sustain.
To understand power is to understand the human psyche—its fears, its longings, its need for recognition, its terror of abandonment. Power is not a political category; it is an existential one.