The War Against Christians
Pastor Christian T. Roll Declares War on the Jewish, Chinese, Atheist, Homosexual Agenda
All over the world, the forces of evil threaten Christians! This danger is God’s punishment for not living by the Word of Jesus and allowing the Jewish, Chinese, Atheist, Homosexual Agenda to flourish.
Pray with me, sinners!
We have abandoned you, Lord! We allowed the murderers of Jesus to build synagogues and secretly rule the world. How wrong we have been! Save us from the Zionist-occupied government, Lord!
The war against Christians roots deep in the communist regimes, and China is the worst enemy. Secretly, the Chinese have been using the money from US corporations that offshored jobs for cheap labor to slowly build their anti-Christian, communist empire. We condemned ourselves for low-cost computers and furniture! Now, billions of communist Chinese pray to their evil Buddha, preparing to annihilate Christians!
The atheist scourge rises from the lack of Jesus in government, education, and child-rearing. We have failed you, Lord! Dear, God, protect us from the vicious rampaging atheists!
The enemy is everywhere! In cities across the USA, violent homosexuals form militias, prepared to put an end to Christians. They could attack at any moment!
Everybody start praying! The Lord has challenged us to stop the advancing forces of sinners. God told me to raise eight million dollars to combat the evildoers, or He would take my life.
We must meet this evil and carry out the Lord’s will. Please make donations now, or mine and every God-fearing Christian’s blood is on your hands.
Terms of Giving
You lovingly agree to pay all charges due for your donation at the time of donation, which is immediate. You agree to provide Christian T. Roll (Doing business as The Church of the Redeemed Whore or CRW Inc.) with a valid credit card. By providing your credit card and other associated payment information, you agree to authorize CRW to immediately charge your card for your donation and all accessorial charges so you will not be sent to hell to burn for eternity.
Tax Exemption
Currently, all donations are not tax-exempt because the IRS ruled the Church of the Redeemed Whore does not qualify for nonprofit status, which is nothing more than the Jewish, Atheist, Chinese, Homosexual Agenda trying to stop Pastor Christian T. Roll from defeating them in the great holy war to come.
Accessorial Charges
By donating, you accept responsibility for all charges, which include:
25% Jesus prayer fee, covering Pastor Christian T. Roll’s personal prayer, asking Jesus to forgive your abundance of sins
25% true believer fee, covering any demonic backlash because you made your donation with sin in your heart
25% giving more fee, covering your greed for knowing you should have given more but didn’t because you’re a lying heathen unworthy of God’s Grace
25% technology fee, covering any legal costs for “seemingly” unintended use of the donation, such as purchasing a Gulf Stream Six✈️ for carrying Church missions across the globe
25% Payment Card Processing fee with an additional 2.9% + 30¢ charge by the credit card company and any additional third party payment processor costs.
Payment Disputes
We must be notified within the first (7) minutes after you receive your credit card statement if you believe any charges are in dispute. A fee will be applied which you agree to pay for arbitration to settle any charge disputes. The supreme ultimate arbitrator, God, will settle any dispute and you also agree to His timetable and location for hearing said dispute.
Tips
Tips are welcome and can be adjusted, with a minimum 25% charge which will be shown to you before charge approval. Tips are additional to any donation amount and like the donation are not tax exempt due to the Jewish conspiracy to control the global banking system and defraud Christians.
Sign me up Pastor!!