Twelve Step Magic Lite: Convenient, Easy to Use, & Feels Just Like a Meeting!
All the sobriety; none of the meeting.
Tired of going to meetings and hanging around a bunch of weird people talking about their higher-power and drinking problems?
Sick of being harassed by perverts, criminals, and just the dregs of humanity posing as spiritual people trying to help you get sober?
Are you just fed up with being told those haunting memories of childhood or adult trauma are your fault because you have a resentment you haven’t turned over to God?
You are not alone!
Many AA members are fed up with the sexual predators, lunatics who need to be in asylums, and the cult-like spiritual Nazis who want to run their lives. Yet, they just don’t know how to stay sober without their daily dose of spirituality passed to them by their higher-power through another alcoholic during a Twelve Step meeting.
Until now!
We understand the need to stay sober and how this spiritual disease’s progressive and fatal nature often takes a backseat to the challenges of endless meetings, prayer, constant psychobabble, reading the Big Book, and sometimes just the rancid coffee you must endure during the fellowship hour. Don’t risk your sobriety by skipping meetings or letting your resentments drive you away from the Twelve Step group.
Now, the makers of Christian Motels, the Jesus Junker, and many other fine products, bring you, Twelve Step Magic Lite.
Imagine all the spirituality you need to fend off a relapse. Just crack a can and drown that craving with some serenity!
What the hell is Twelve Step Magic Lite?
We are as serious as a yearlong bender that ends in bankruptcy and divorce! Yes, getting your spirituality has never been easier. Our research and development team applied the latest in addiction science in a tireless effort to create a convenient way to obtain your dose of spirituality without ever stepping foot inside another AA meeting or hanging around a bunch of cult members.
That’s correct, no more meetings!
Here’s How it Works
Our scientists brought real old timers into the lab, and using the latest spiritual distillation technology and addiction science, we channeled their years of sobriety directly into a new, great-tasting near-beer, Twelve Step Magic Lite.
Over one-hundred hours of drunkologues, by authentic, verified alcoholics are infused in this nonalcoholic brew that tastes just like a real beer. These alcoholics underwent rigorous testing by our panel of AA Trusted Servants and God himself because every drop of sobriety is needed to fend off the spiritual sickness of alcoholism.
Not to worry. Just like the Twelve Steps have the ability to facilitate God’s healing through the removal of ego and character defects, Twelve Step Magic Lite cures all manner of illness the same way with bottled serenity. Whenever you feel the overwhelming crack attack or the urge to purge, just drink the Twelve Step Magic Lite version you need.
It’s that easy to get the higher-power protection you need and desire!
Don’t worry; we have every kind of Twelve Stepper covered:
Adult Children of Alcoholics
Cocaine Anonymous
Crystal Meth Anonymous
Heroin Anonymous
Nicotine Anonymous
Sex Addicts Anonymous
Now all in a convenient, easier-than-a-meeting, great-tasting near-beer.
If you thought not going to meetings was great, just wait until you try Twelve Step Magic Lite and discover you gained no weight!
Yes! Zero calories!
Having a sober party? Try our tall boys!
Finally a way to get the spirituality you need to stay sober without being molested, taken advantage of financially, losing contact with family, and all the other terrible things that come with belonging to a cult. Twelve Step Magic Lite makes sobriety easier and safer than a meeting. Pick up a six pack today, and down all the serenity you can handle!
All original photos were obtained on Unsplash